"I think I'll Write a Book"

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I need a new car and writting a book could be a quick way to make money. I've not tried to write a book before, and I don't achally read many books, but I used to be quite good at writing stories when I was at school. If it's too diffacult I could write poems instead. I think lots of people would want to buy my poems.
I will spend a couple of weeks writting my novel. It'll be based on my life which has been really intresting. I'll change the names tho so people don't sue me. No need to do any reserch becos I know all about that stuff anyway. It'll be a really amazing book, the best anyone has ever read.
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I've writ my book now. It's 30 thousand words long - I've never writ anything so long before! It only took me a month aswell. I'm not going to bother going back through it again because I know what I writ was great. Someone said I should get other people to read it, so I gave it to my mum and she said it was fantastic. So now I'm sending it to the publishers. I can't decide whether to send it to Harper Collins, Random House or Penguin Classics. I need to find out which one will pay me the most.
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I sent it to all of them in the end. I thought it might be good to have a bidding war between them for my book. But two of them have already writ back and said they don't want it! They can't have read it properly, so I have writ to them agen and told them how stupid they are not to see how good it is. If I keep pestering them they will give in and give me a million pound advance for it.
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It's five months later and none of the publishers wanted my book. But I saw an advert in The Sun which said "Authors -Your book wanted" and so I sent it in and they will publish it! They want me to help with the cost of printing and distribution, tho, so I am sending them all the money I was saving up for my new car, but that's OK becos my book will be a bestseller and I'll get all the money back.

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