My Christmas Wish to all my Friends

This Christmas I wish you all the best that the season of peace on earth and goodwill to all men has to offer:

  • My your little darlings be angels in the school nativity play, not cows*
  • May your panto hero actually be able to hear you shout "He's behind you!"
  • May you remember to blow out your advent candle before it burns halfway through to next week*
  • May your carol singers actually sing carols, rather than mumbling a half-hearted verse of "We wish you a Merry Christmas" and then holding out their hands for money*
  • May the children remain peacefully asleep as Father Christmas places their filled stockings on their beds, and may they remain peacefully asleep until the sun has risen
  • May you remember to put on your shoes when you go to church, and not find yourself standing in the foyer in your slippers trying to pass them off as a festive statement*
  • May your crackers contain hats that fit, jokes that are funny, and novelty gifts that are actually useful*
  • May your sprouts, parsnips and carrots taste sweeter than any vegetable has a right to, and may there be enough roasties to go round. (And may you not forget the bread sauce this year.)*
  • May your Christmas pudding flame elegantly without setting off the smoke alarm
  • May the children be so enthralled by their new toys that they let you have Christmas day afternoon in peace to watch the Queen's Speech, Room on the Broom, Doctor Who and Downton Abbey.
  • May your mince pies always come with "warm, with custard?" as an option.
In short, Merry Christmas!

(* applies especially to me.)

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